The first person I heard say “God helps those who help themselves” was a high school teacher. I did well in his class but this phrase still made me uncomfortable. At the time, it seemed to imply that those who suffered hardship were always in control of their circumstances. Over the years, I’ve also heard it used by people who want to absolve themselves of caring for their neighbor. In Western culture, there is more of a focus on individualism versus communal responsibility. It’s one of those phrases that falls in line with “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” Some people don’t have footwear and others don’t have feet. However, there is some truth to the adage. There are times when the trouble in which we find ourselves is of our own making. Furthermore, the victim mindset prevents us from seeing a way out. Part of being an adult especially if I am a Christian, is to own my mess. Everything is not someone else’s fault and I can’t be the victim in every story.
This August marks three years since I left the hospital after a weeklong stay to recover from the effects of chemotherapy. Since then, I have been doing a lot of unpacking. Here are some lessons that I’ve learned since then about what God will and will not do.
God will not be manipulated by my temper tantrums or self-pity. Life can be hard y’all. It’s hard in different ways for billions of people. The story that is unfolding in Afghanistan in the midst of a global pandemic is just another example of how difficult things can become. I want to be careful to say I do not mean that our individual struggles do not matter simply because the world is on fire, literally and figuratively. We absolutely need to process our particular issues and how they impact us. Nonetheless, we can get to a place where we believe that God owes us something for the pain we’ve suffered which is a normal human response. To stay in that mindset is also not helpful. There are times when God allows us to catch a glimpse of how our pain can serve a purpose but sometimes He doesn’t and that’s His right. While that’s frustrating, I don’t think we are as prepared as we think we are to handle the answers to some of the questions we ask God.
God will not do for me what I can do for myself. Most times, God nudges me when He wants me to address something in my life. After my first cancer battle, I realized I needed to begin therapy. I had to unpack what it meant for me to be so checked out from my body that I did not make the connection between my health issues and how difficult it was for me to work and attend graduate school. I had to deal with the unresolved trauma that made me uncomfortable with being touched by medical professionals which led to neglecting my health and ultimately, cancer. I am also unpacking what it meant for me to not struggle with the decision to to relinquish my womb. Although I believe I made the right choice because the cancer came back with a vengeance, I am now aware that I never thought I’d be married or have children anyway. Nonetheless, I now better understand my friends’ concerns about undergoing a partial hysterectomy even though I was frustrated and hurt by their opinions. They seemed to be privilege a potential spouse and children over my real health issues. I know their concern was genuine but they did not fully understand what was taking place in my body because I did not disclose certain details. These last few sentences need their own post(s) or a book.
The truth is that any kind healing is often a complicated, drawn out business and I have to participate in the process instead of just expecting God to make me whole. Healing comes in facing things and realizing they’re not so monstrous they can’t be overcome. I realize that I must deal with what has been done to me, what I’ve done to myself and lastly, what I’ve done to others. Sometimes I am the perpetrator. The ability to participate in my own healing is a gift because it shows that God has given me what I need to thrive in spite of hardship and bad choices. That in itself is grace.
God will not make me disciplined about anything-not about managing time, money, resources, health or other areas of my life. I can’t shout and praise my way to discipline. I can’t quote Bible verses in place of discipline. Neither can you. Jesus said the person who listened to Him and put His words into practice was like a house built on a rock that could withstand life’s storms. The person who just listened or mentally assented was like a foolish person whose house was built on sand. That house was destroyed by the same storm.
God will not not make up my mind for me. If I’m honest, I sometimes want God to write in the sky before I make a decision which causes me to waste valuable time. There are times when I should be cautious in my decision making. However, there are certainly occasions when I need to make a choice and trust God to walk with me through that process. We don’t trust that God is able to redirect us if we take a wrong turn in our attempt to follow Him. The visual I have is of a child who is just learning how to walk. They usually keep checking in with their parent to make sure they’ll catch them if they fall. Their posture and facial expression is, “You’ll help me if I hurt myself, right?” That’s often how we approach God.
God will not make me believe Him. The extent to which I believe Him will be evidenced in the unconscious and conscious choices I make throughout the day. Faith shows up in whether I give into my emotions or acknowledge them and move on. Furthermore, the extent to which I believe God is based on trust and I am aware of how life experiences can make it difficult for me to do so.
That’s all I’ve got for now. I am so grateful for this period of my life where I have the privilege to unpack and make wiser decisions based on what I have found.
Healing Joy Ministries 